So this was kind of a huge, no, it was a monumental week, a milestone, a hurdle. It had been a year since Taite’s second surgery. People questioning how she was doing was actually seeming odd and unnecessary. And then with one little sentence I was reduced to an ashen gray puddle- “My food won’t go down.”
I now know what it feels like when someone blanches, when someone’s legs turn to jell-0, when someone feels like if she was to be touched she would shatter into a million pieces in an instant.
And I knew I needed to hold it together because Taite does not need to deal also with a mother who can’t hold it together.
And when I told Andrew, I saw what I felt like.
Then we tried to make excuses why this particular, this evil dinner would not go down- “Well, crust can be like that, sort of bolus forming.”
Taite counters, “I didn’t eat any of the crust.”
“Well, I mean, rice, rice will get stuck in anyone’s throat.”
“Didn’t eat that either.”
“No, not the turkey yet either, a soft carrot.”
“Oh, well, carrots, now cooked carrots are kind of a tough thing; I’d think lots of people would have trouble with cooked carrots.”
And that night, after Andrew and I bawled in the privacy of our own bathroom and slept with our eyes wide open and wondered if we’d be heading to Seattle Children’s Hospital; after all that and a sort of sleep; I quickly asked Taite if maybe she’d like a little oatmeal for breakfast that morning, I’d make it, with brown sugar. “No.”
Lunchtime rolled around and Taite heated up of all ridiculous things- the turkey pot pie, because she’s that kind of girl, she looks pretty darn sweet but she has a core of solid immovable iron- she’d take that damn turkey pot pie on, by golly. Take that you turkey choking pot pie; Taite ate you for lunch!
It went down.
I totally missed the part after the second surgery when the surgeon mentioned this might start up again and we would need to get Taite in for a bit of a fix up. Andrew gently reminded me.
But for now she’s eating. I am reminded again, what a blessing it is to eat- food- just plain old regular food. It is such a blessing.