Fire Breathing Dragons Eating Golden Apples

 

 Myth Busters:

Outspoken people like being the one to speak of the elephant in the room.  False.  

Outspoken people are thick skinned.  False.

Outspoken people are extroverts.  False.

Outspoken people always say too much.  False.

We are an outspoken lot, my family. True. 

Silence is golden, doubly so if you’re  female.  And silence is safe; “Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace, when he shuts his lips he is considered perceptive.”  Silence can be just plain smart.  And yet silence can also be  prideful, self-centered, laziness.  Keeping silent means never fearing to say the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong way.  But it is safe and that is where we like to live, in safety.  And sometimes it’s just easier to consider our own comfortable blanket of silence over the welfare of others.  Usually the quiet people are the ones who are also labeled “nice.”  For many the apex of someone’s character is that they are so nice.  Usually so nice means they are so quiet that they have never said anything offensive or out-of-line, ever.

Silence means never having to say you’re sorry.  Silence means never sticking your foot in your mouth.  And yet, the silent treatment during an argument is vindictive. And silence when someone is in imminent danger is cruel. Silence when a friend is heading for trouble is mean and uncaring.

Silence is sometimes just plain RUDE.  If a visitor were to enter your home and you remained silent, well, that would just be rude.  In a situation like that no one really cares that you are introverted and shy, they want to feel comfortable and welcome in a new surrounding. So sometimes it is a real plus that there are those people who are willing to put themselves out, leave their comfort zone behind and go speak to a stranger.

There are also those obvious times when it is better to keep silent but there are those other times when you’re just not sure; do I mention the piece of spinach stuck in her teeth or let her go home and discover it in the mirror?  You can always claim you didn’t see it.  Do I tell so and so he’s being a boorish, sullen oaf?  You can always just play the martyr and put up with it.  Do I tell someone they are about to be hit by a train?  Didn’t see it coming.  Do I let so and so know what I know about who she wants to marry?  Well, I just didn’t feel it was my place.  

When outspoken people screw up, they screw up big time, no silence to cover the big loud thing said inappropriately or poorly or maybe shouldn’t have been said at all.  Speaking means dealing with the consequences.  You know what your big loud faults are and so does everyone else.  Yup, there they are floating embarrassingly  in the room.  Outspoken people need to know when to sit back and let things happen without saying anything.  Chomping at the bit to blurt out the obvious and knowing it just isn’t appropriate to say anything.

So, when is it appropriate to go out on a limb?  Speaking requires wisdom, “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from trouble.”  That means speaking responsibly, checking ourselves, our motives and then speaking.  When you speak, those around you know what you are thinking and how you feel.  You put  yourself out there for scrutiny.  The learning curve is bigger and the stakes are higher.  It is easier to hide lazy, prideful silence; silence can be the sin of omission, all carefully hidden, but a word spoken takes on a life of its own, the speaker is responsible.  You have to own it, you said it and there it is out from the deep recesses of your mind and floating into the ears of others.

Sometimes it means loving someone enough to say the hard thing, risking their wrath and knowing it needs said anyway, “speaking the truth in love.”  Ahh, and that is a very good check.  What is the motive for saying something?  When you know someone and see a problem, is your desire to address the issue based on love or are you just put out and fed up with their behavior.  Or do you seek their good?  If you do, do you love them enough to risk the results of saying something?

“Wisdom is found on the lips of him who has understanding.”  That presupposes something was said,  well said.  ”Happy is the man who finds wisdom.”

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver,  Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear.”

“An open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed.”

Speaking up is definitely a skill to be learned with wisdom but it sure beats continual infernal silence- mostly, but maybe I’ve said too much.