Well, it’s Lent, so I guess it is only fitting that I should be tightening my belt. (That and the fact that certain of us have been out of work for a while….) As a result, I have begun a self-inflicted budget to minimize living expenses. Well, really, what I had before was probably more like a budget– I think it would be more accurate to call this an all-out war-on-spending. My war plan goes something like this: no purchasing alcohol, no hair-cuts or highlighting, no buying products of any kind (I’ve been using our stash of hotel-issue toothpaste and shampoo acquired from Tim’s years of travel), no new clothes or shoes, no eating out ever, only necessary grocery purchases, no speeding or accruing parking tickets, no drycleaning, and no expenditures for entertainment.
I thought I would miss treating myself to lunch when I didn’t have time to pack one in the morning, getting a little something for my wardrobe now and then, buying blueberries out of season, and taking the occasional spontaneous date, but I surprisingly haven’t. If I don’t put myself in temptation’s way, I find I don’t miss shopping at all, and as Tim put it, “You just don’t feel tempted to over-buy when all the food at Amelia’s Grocery Outlet looks so unappetizing”. My concern about feeling trapped by our non-existent entertainment budget was also un-founded because a lot of the things I really enjoy like playing tennis, going to parties, or visiting museums are free in DC anyway. And, as we discovered, when you don’t have a television or even a computer to watch a movie on, there’s no opportunity to feel deprived by a war-on-spending embargo that doesn’t allow you to rent one. So all in all, it’s been going pretty well. That being said….
Is it possible that I was recently overheard accusing a junior-level police officer in the photo enforcement division of extortion when he offered to remove the late fines from two speeding tickets but insisted I did have to pay them. Possibly, yes. Was I seen hauling my husband out of an amicable wrestling match with a friend this week, explaining to on-lookers “we don’t have health insurance”. Well, yes. Did I have an episode the other day in the kitchen where I started crying and then blubbering something about just wanting a beer? Actually, yes. Could I be heard muttering “what are they smoking?” when I realized the checker at Amelia’s Grocery Outlet wanted to charge me $1 per roll for paper towels? Maybe quietly. Have I begun reading those e-mails about inheriting 5 million pounds from an un-named relative in Ethiopia a little more closely? Perhaps. I ‘ve also been selling every book we own that retails for over $3 on Amazon since Tim decided to clear out his library, and together we’ve rented out every unused square-inch of the lot we have behind our house on as parking space on Craigslist.
While some of these things may sound drastic, I assure you it’s perfectly normal for my family and I come by it honestly. We were the family who used receipts from St Vincent de Paul’s to to exchange un-wanted clothing from our closets to for “new” used clothes from the store. We were the children wandering around the neighborhood the day after Halloween looking for candies still in the wrapper that had been dropped by other trick-or-treaters. For my sister’s wedding, all of our dresses were made by a friend (though I think my mom made her own) and I fondly recall us looking like a bunch of blue cupcakes standing at the front of the church.
Needless to say, I’m settling into my role as Commander-in-Chief pretty well, although we did come pretty close to civil war last night when I found out Tim was planning on meeting up with friends/work connections for lunch on Friday. What about the war-on-spending?!? Anyway, I couldn’t really be outraged by the same person who had, the morning before, presented me with a $10 Starbucks gift card he’d been saving for months, saying he wasn’t sure if he should give it to me then or save it for later; and had also gone to the little store across the street and bought me a Blue Moon the day of the blubbering incident. We’ve been like two thieves trying to figure out how to make it together in a world that suddenly seems a little meaner, and we’ve never been closer. And he still thinks I’m beautiful even though I’m sporting roots that would make Britney Spears blush.
And a Blue Moon never tasted as good.
Man oh man, the days of washing cloth diapers in a sink with a broom handle for the agitator come back to me! And then hanging them on the clothesline in the winter in Massachusetts and bringing them in only when they were good and frozen like slabs of cod fish.
AND yes, I made my dress for Meghan’s wedding and then had to help two year old Matthias in the bathroom where he promptly peed down the front of it. A fitting end to that dress!
I am sitting here with a fever and a cough and a pile of studying to do for a hellish test tomorrow and that made me laugh… Thanks, Erin!!!
It made me laugh, it made me cry. It made me proud to be a soldier in the war-on-spending. Would you demote me to a lesser rank if I go get my hair highlighted next week?
Erin, I’m so confused. How is it that you justified having that Taco Bell Gordita tonight? I think you are losing the war!
That’s easy Jordan. I told my second-cousin-by-marriage/ brother-in-law-ish-person Jordan to read my blog post, worked up an adequate amount of sympathy in his little soul, then when he happened to stop at Taco Bell that night, he offered to pay for my Gordita. Worked like a charm.
And this is how I knew you needed the leftover communion wine. It’s yours the next couple Sundays, too!
I told Tim– “Valerie knew because she reads my blog!” I sometimes forget, but it always occurs to me a few minutes later. Keep it comming! We really enjoyed the bottle this past Sunday. Your choices are always really good, so that’s an added blessing.
I’m a Philistine. It all tastes the same to me. But I keep my ears open for the “reviews” from the congregation.